Thursday, August 4, 2011

Not to be taken for granted.

This image is significant to me.

Looking back to April 2008...Jonathan and I had been married just four months.  We decided that even as four-month newlyweds, we were open to having kids. One of the beautiful things about Natural Family Planning is that with charting, you are able to better understand your cycle and when you're well as when you're not. It helps you both become pregnant as well as helps you understand when to abstain when avoiding a pregnancy is desired.

Two weeks after our discussion, the Wee Ski 1.0 was conceived.

He was born the following January: just after our one year anniversary. He missed his due date of January 4 by four days.  He must have felt that his BearBearMom needed her own birthday so they didn't need to share.

When he was eight months old, we started talking about a second child.  It was September 2009, just after I 'retired' from Merrill Lynch after 13 years.  In the midst of using up the last of my awesome benefits from Merrill (read: squeezing in every possible medical & dental appointment I could come up with before the benefits lapsed on 9/30), I had a very challenging appointment with a doctor who was filling in for my normal doc.  The details are here, but it was then that we began trying for #2.

Assuming that because we were open to life, I was charting and knew when I was fertile, that Wee Ski 2.0 would be on his way soon.  For Christmas, we put a 'duallie Bob' on our wish list from my parents, because of course we'd have a second child soon and we'd need it on the farm.  My mom actually shopped during the REI 20% off sale and picked up one for us for Christmas, and we were thrilled when we opened it.

But there was just one problem.

There was no second child to fill it. 

As time went on and we were unable to become pregnant, it became a reminder in the garage that of our inability to conceive. I picked up a single Bob and hid the duallie away.  I was irritated with my smugness that it would be easy to conceive again, simply because it had been the first time.  Trust me, never again will I take that for granted.  Never.

Over time, I was both frustrated with God as well as ready to mentally 'move on'.  So when the chance to take Thomas with his future betrothed, Angelica, came along, we took an inaugural stroll through the fields to our Ski family campsite

Little did I know that I was barely pregnant at the time.

A few days later, I found myself before Mass at confession with Fr. Nick (and a Wee Ski who loved pounding on the walls of the confessional, scaring all the old ladies at Visitation).  I laid it all out there (more details here) and gave it up to God.

It's always difficult to speak in terms of "His timing" when it doesn't coincide with our own plans for timing.  I definitely didn't see it at the time, but each disappointment continued to shape my heart and soul for becoming a mom again.

Back to today.  587 days after receiving the duallie at Christmas.

I packed up both boys for the short walk to the mailbox for the mail.

John Paul's still a little small to be in the stroller without the infant we took one short ride.

Seeing both of them inside -- together -- reminded me of how very, very precious life is.  How it should never be taken for granted...and how in His timing, our lives are always changed for the better...even if that timing is much longer than anticipated.

And I find myself with a very grateful heart.


KCina said...

Amen! :)

I've learned, more than ever, that we all have a path and He is the way and we need to leave it all up to Him!

Hugs to all of the Skis!

Mrs Ivy said...

I love this and I love you!! Thanks for keeping the faith, it's very difficult sometimes, but reminders like this definitely bring strength <3

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