Saturday, May 22, 2010

Fridays with Peanut

I never guessed that a life lesson would come from our big, stubborn chicken named Peanut.

Just after I quit my job in September, I had an appointment with my internal medicine doc to double check that everything was "good to go" for a second baby. Comparatively, I was/am much healthier than I was when we got pregnant with Thomas, and have made great strides in reducing my blood pressure and losing weight since the first pregnancy.

However, my normal doc was out of the office for a month, so I had his backup. While she was professional and a former OB/GYN, we had some significant disagreements.  She was very discouraging about having a second child so quickly -- even saying that I was being "irresponsible" in using NFP and not using artificial birth control and being so open to life. I've been called a lot of things in my life -- but never irresponsible.  It was as if a child was a disease I could 'catch' and I needed to be so careful to avoid it.

She told me that I needed to enjoy the child I had and that I "shouldn't rush" things.  I left the office in tears, as I had originally expected that the appointment would be full of good news and the "green light". 

It turns out that she had recently lost her own child.

Her advice, though somewhat rough around the edges, made so much more sense in context.

I never expected that we would have trouble getting pregnant again.  Thomas's conception was literally the month that we had decided it was time.  We were quite lucky.

With my monthly visitor four days late this month, there was nervousness marked by frustration.  At the same time, we were hopeful only to discover on the flight to Iowa that we were not, in fact, pregnant. This month marked the ninth month that we have been unsuccessful in conceiving.

We have a taste of what it's like for couples unable to conceive.  At the same time, I've had a much deeper appreciation for the fleeting time we have with our son as he grows.  Before we know it, he will be running, going to school, and leaving home. 

Our time away to Iowa was good.  It gave both Jonathan and me time on our own to reflect on our reactions to another month without word of a wee babe in the womb. 

When Thomas and I got home from Iowa, one of the chickens (Peanut) seemed sick.  She wouldn't leave the nest, she wouldn't let any other chickens lay, and she was crabby.   She'd snap every time you reached in to touch her.

It turns out she was broody.  After some helpful internet searching, I built her a homemade "broody buster" designed to help her get past her issues.  She had to be in there to get out of her funk, and in a few days, things would be better.

So I showed Jonathan my plans for the broody buster, and he asked me "What is being broody?"

"It's when she wants to be sitting on fertile eggs. Since she's not sitting on fertile eggs, she's pissed at the world and she wants everyone to know.  So we have to break her of that so she gets back to laying, eating and drinking, and gets healthy again.  The air coming up from underneath will cool her off and get her back to normal."

Jonathan started snickering, and said, "She's pissed she's doesn't have fertile eggs?  She needs to cool off and chill out?"

And it was then that I realized I, myself, had been that same broody hen. 

Jonathan said, "It's a little like Tuesdays with Morrie, but it's Fridays with Peanut where you get to learn your lesson."  :)

That same day, I read the most beautiful post by Janelle about waiting.  She and her husband had lost their first daughter in the womb, and they are anticipating the birth in a few days of their next daughter.  A sweet perspective about loss and patience, peace and joy. 

At times, I wish God was on Facebook and write on my wall when His timing will overlap with my timing.  But He is teaching me to let go of that desire. 

Teaching me to fully trust in Him and His timing.  That the time spent waiting will give us the chance to more fully appreciate the gift of life -- never to be taken for granted.  How we need to find the joy in waiting. 

And one of the things that I'm most grateful for?

That it didn't take my own human sized "broody buster" to begin on the path of joy in waiting.


Unknown said...

Holding your family in our prayers often. You are a witness of what it means to be open to life - even if being open means waiting for God's timing. love you guys.

Unknown said...

Wow, what a post.

Love you so very much. We pray every night for our friends the Skis.

Miss you. Good luck with Peanut.


Theresa said...

As you know, couples that have difficulties conceiving are very dear to our hearts!!! We have added you to our constant prayer list!!!!! We believe God will bless you with another miracle in His time! It sounds soooo cliche and I always was annoyed to hear His timing is best... but it is true. We luv ya guys! :)

ViolinMama said...

I love how you word things, and I'm praying for your back up doctor and you, as you both wait on the Lord and feelings, etc. I can tell your faith will sustain you....

I'm still here, even though busy, and am praying for you and always in admiration!!

Much love!

Unknown said...

:)...waiting is no fun...I'm having a hard time myself with our waiting. I pray we both get good news soon!

Lemmon said...

Just offered a Divine Mercy for you while putting one of my wee nanny kiddos to bed. :) I'll keep your family in my prayers!!

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