my life lessons for the week

sometimes, it's the little things you learn that make the biggest difference. while i'm sure that everyone else in the world knows these priceless lessons i learned: these pearls of wisdom that i now hold.

or you may just find some humor in my life.

• if you do not know how to change the battery in your garage door opener and reprogram it, it does not serve as a garage door opener, but more of a garage door remain-closed-er.
• thus, when it is cold and wet outside, there will be a lot of ice all over your automobile. when scraping it with your access card for work, do not try to be MacGyver. do not stand on the side of the car, scrape the ice and use your windshield squirters at the same time to melt it. you will shoot your eye out.
• in the kitchen, when making homemade garlic french fries, if a whole potato should go down your drain, immediately turn off the garbage disposal. do not make the incorrect assumption that the disposal "will eat your potato for you". it will not. and it will clog your drain.
• drano-max will not eat your potato either.
• trying to cook your potato with hot water will not soften it up enough either.
• it is helpful to have friends whose husbands are contractors that can stop by and save you from your own stupidity.
• especially when you realize that using drano-max in a sink connected to your garbage disposal also connected to your dishwasher will cause suds. lots of suds. more suds than you could ever imagine your dishwasher creating. enough suds to make a really fun layer of suds to flood your kitchen.
• it is not worth the time debating in your head to call the news stations to discuss a feature on your home called SudsAttack 2006, because it really is not newsworthy, even though five flakes of snow falling on the outskirts of bellevue is newsworthy.
• but if you are wise, you will do an internet search to find ways to beat the suds.
• you will pour 1/4 cup of vegetable oil into your dishwasher.
• the vegetable oil will eat the suds and the soap. and it will all drain to its happy sewer home.
• and you feel brilliant at the end, even if you felt like a freaking idiot the rest of the time.

thank god it's friday.