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Sunday, March 23, 2008

a reflection on lent as a newly married chick

for me, this year's lenten season was much, much different than in years past.

lent has always been about sacrifice - what to offer up to help rid myself of sin and other things that keep me from growing in a deeper relationship with god. it pales in comparison with what jesus sacrificed for us with his death on the cross - but it's the sacrifices that we make that unite ourselves to his suffering and his ultimate sacrifice for us on the cross.

over the past (nearly) three months of being married, i'm learning that true love requires constant sacrifice to be successful. what i know is that jonathan sees nearly every part of me - the good, the bad, and the ugly. but bigger than that, the lord sees it all.

it's been more difficult than i imagined to let jonathan love me with all of my weaknesses - knowing that i don't have to be perfect, but i do have to work towards that end. it's beyond humbling to know that god loves me no matter what i've done, no matter how weak i am, and was still willing to die for me.

my biggest prayer this lent has been for forgiveness and to let go of my pride - to forgive those who have hurt me, but more importantly, to ask for forgiveness from those i've hurt.

with jonathan, i find that i ask forgiveness from him a fair amount more than he needs to ask it of me (which is why i believe i got the better end of this deal in our marriage!).

knowing that this year's lent and my lenten metanoia has a much greater impact than on just me - now it was jonathan and me - it was suddenly much more difficult to do. with the expectations much larger, it became a significantly greater daily challenge to change my heart.

i found myself on the commute up to the office praying the rosary for the things that i could not get past in terms of both forgiveness and my pride. in fact, the last decade of the rosary - the crucifixion - was reserved to help ask for god's help in letting my pride die. some mornings it was quiet and calming, and other mornings i really let god know where i stood on things. those mornings, i needed that fifth decade more than anything!

my metanoia is nowhere near complete, but i'm definitely closer than i was at the beginning.

my hope and prayer is that these 40 days are a start for me as we head into the next few months of our marriage. to learn to forgive and love unselfishly, to learn how to serve graciously as a wife, daughter, and friend.

please pray for me! ♥

1 comment:

liz said...

Girlfriend, I have so got your back on the prayers!

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